Action Plan for Getting Toddlers to Sleep in Their Own Bed
Are you exhausted and at your wits’ end from constant night time visits from your child or children? Maybe your child just won’t stay in bed when you turn the lights out and say good night. If that’s the case, then I am here to assure you that there is hope. You do not have to endure through years or even months or weeks of worrying about your toddler’s sleep habits and wondering when you, yourself, will get a good night’s sleep. Pediatrician and sleep researcher, Marc Weissbluth, M.D., teaches a simple, yet effective strategy for getting toddlers to sleep in their own bed. By the time you finish reading this article, you will have the tools to implement this method.
The underlying premise of the Weissbluth method is that, unless a toddler is experiencing some other unmet need (such as hunger or pain), the fundamental reason he or she will not stay in bed is because it is more pleasant or exciting not to be in bed. Children transitioning from a crib to a bed may be curious about what happens after their bedtime. The rest of the house may seem more exciting than their own bedroom. After co-sleeping as infants, toddlers are used to having their parents close by as they sleep. It is more pleasant to be with their parents than it is to be in their bedroom, hence they want to go and find their parents instead of staying in bed. The following method will work for getting toddlers to sleep in their own bed in both situations.
The solution to getting toddlers to sleep in their own bed, then, is to make it boring and unrewarding for the toddler to get out of bed. Negative consequences are not necessarily required – simply patience and persistence on the part of the parent(s). Dr. Weissbluth calls his method the “silent return to bed.” Explain to your child that from now on he is not allowed to get out of bed until morning. Tell him that you love him very much but that if he gets out of bed you will put him back to bed without talking to him or looking at his face. Once the child has been put to bed, tucked in, cuddled, and finished whatever other bedtime routines that normally occur, the parent stations him- or herself outside the bedroom door so that they are close but not visible to the child. When the child tries to leave the room, the parent calmly picks him or her up, without saying anything or even making eye-contact with the child, and returns the toddler to bed.
The idea is to remain as emotionless and silent as possible. For a child seeking a parent’s attention, even negative emotions or disapproval can be an incentive to keep trying and, of course, snuggles and comforting or reassuring words are equally strong motivators. You may have to use the “silent return to bed” dozens or even hundreds of times a night for a few nights, but your child will eventually give up and stay in bed. The whole process generally takes less than a week. Getting toddlers to sleep in their own bed can be a frustrating and exhausting process, but you will be successful if you persevere and remain consistent.